Sound And Fury
by Lizzie9
Summary: It was an obvious choice. Two bullets in two brains. So you operate on your wife, right? Unless it's just a little more complicated.' Nothing like tragedy to make you see who really matters. MD eventually.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Sound And Fury

Authors: Sara And Lizzie

Rating: T for language, mild sex

Disclaimer: we don't own grey's anatomy, or any anatomies but our own at that.

Author's Note: Ok. Our first Grey's Anatomy fic. Set after Derek picks Addison and Meredith sleeps with George. Review. No matter how you feel about it, review. Chapters will get longer.

Should have. Shouldn't have. Both easy to say in retrospect. It's having the foresight to catch yourself before you act on what's going to make you say it that's difficult.

Dr. Derek Shepherd should have been finishing post surgery paper work. Instead he was fixated. Fixated on her eyes, her hair, her skin, her smell. Fixated on her self absorbed nature, her compassion, her perfection. He was fixated on her hips, her curves, her breasts and her legs. Hell, he'd fixate on her toenails if it would help.

Only it wouldn't. Because it wasn't his wife he was fixating on.

So he shouldn't have been thinking about Meredith Grey. That didn't change the fact that he was.

* * *

On the outside looking in, Addison Shepherd had it all. She was an extrordinarily talented surgeon. So was her extrordinarily attractive husband. And he had picked her. She had it all. She should have been happy. But there was something that wouldn't stop eating at her.

Maybe it was her husband and the way he looked at Meredith. Or maybe it was Mark Sloan, and the way he was still in Seattle, and the way he looked at her.

Whatever it was –or wasn't- Dr. Shepherd shouldn't have been meeting Mark that night. But that didn't change the fact that she was.

* * *

Meredith walked, a slow, lazy saunter, down the street. She looked around her at the lights and the workings of the city. She sighed a long slow sigh and brought her eyes back down to the sidewalk. She should have been meeting her friends at Joe's, but she was dawdling. Strolling around the block.

She was lost in a fantasy. A fantasy ripped apart when she saw Addison Shepherd duck into a bar. Meredith knew she should leave it alone. Shouldn't follow her. But it didn't change the fact that she slunk in, and sat at the bar.

Without drawing attention to herself, she looked around the tables until she saw Addison sitting across from Mark Sloan. Addison's back was to her. Meredith didn't know what to make of what she saw, nor did she have time to process it. At that moment, she saw the bartender put his hands in the air, the barrel of a gun pushed against his temple.

"Oh my God." She said out loud. Addison's head snapped around.

"Meredith?"

The man brandishing the gun gave no warning. He just turned, and fired off a few rounds. And at that point, it didn't matter what anyone should or shouldn't be doing.

You don't have much choice when you're falling to the floor and everything is turning black.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Sound And Fury

Authors: Sara And Lizzie

Rating: T for language, mild sex

Disclaimer: we don't own grey's anatomy, or any anatomies but our own at that.

Author's Note: Ok. Our first Grey's Anatomy fic. Set after Derek picks Addison and Meredith sleeps with George. Review. No matter how you feel about it, review. Chapters will get longer.

_"It's dragging me under." -Matchbox Twenty_

9:26 pm

Door slams. Keys hit the table. Addison calls.

That's how it happened every night. He slammed the door, he tossed his keys onto the table, and Addison greeted him. Came into the living room. Started asking questions. About his day, his patients. When really, all she was doing was edging around everything she really wanted to know.

Meredith. 'Who went into surgery with you today Derek?' 'Anything funny happen today Derek?'

Everynight he lied. Only tonight he didn't have to. He didn't have to say that nothing was funny, because Addison hated the thought of Meredith making him laugh. He didn't have to pretend.

Because he was met with silence. He walked to the kitchen and absentmindedly opened the fridge, not really looking for anything. Unless Meredith Grey happened to be sitting in his refridgerator, it was a fruitless search.

It was funny how he had convinced himself he could get over her. Talked himself out of the cliché, really. He was a doctor, he was practical. He liked things that made sense. Addison. Marriage. Not Meredith, and falling in love so fast he couldn't make sense of anything.

The beeping of his pager silenced the monlouge running in his head. He picked it up and sighed. The hospital. More Meredith. More Addison. He imagined her running in, pushing hair off of her face, slightly breathless, and looking exhilarated. He smiled to himself, and headed back out the door.

* * *

Christina was just about to ask Izzie what she wanted from the bar when a familiar vibration at her side stopped her. She reached down and felt for her pager. She watched, and listened, as her friends all did the same. Christina felt a brush of annoyance.

"We are not," she commanded, "waiting for Meredith."

Izzie looked around. "You sure? She's forty mintues late."

"All the more reason not to wait." George said brusquely, heading out the door.

Christina, Izzie and Alex all watched him go. As they followed him out into the warm spring night, they shared a knowing glance. It was dread, foreboding, and that rush of excitement.

* * *

10:05 pm

Miranda Bailey was waiting when the four stretchers were wheeled into Seattle Grace. She sent all four of them to separate OR's. George came storming in first.

She regarded his bad mood and told him to snap out of it. Alex, Izzie and Christina followed, looking slightly disgruntled, but otherwise okay. Bailey eyed them all, judging them, sizing them up.

A nurse came flying from the direction of the OR. "Dr. Bailey, we need Dr. Shepherd. OR one has a bullet lodged in her upper spinal, and OR three has one in the brain."

Miranda shook her head to clear. "Yang, go help her." She said.

"Stevens. Go page Dr. Shepherd. Better yet, page both Shepherds. I'm gonna need all hands on deck." She glanced into the OR. "Where the hell is Grey?"

Izzie sighed. "I'll page her too."

Several chaotic moments later, Christina came out of an OR holding up two pagers, both of them beeping. Her eyes settled on Derek, who had just stepped off of an elevator. She held up the device in her left hand.

"OR one Addison." She said. Derek closed his eyes and nodded stoically. Christina ran her fingers over the pager in her right hand. It was still beeping. Derek took a few steps toward her and realized her hands were shaking.

He looked around. He shook his head. "Where's Meredith?" he asked. The note of panic in his voice was unmistakable.

Izzie looked at Alex. Alex looked at George. George looked at Bailey, who's eyes were locked on Derek and Christina. Christina slowly raised her right hand.

"OR three." She whispered.

Derek shook his head again. "No."

Christina silenced the pager, once again, the bearer of bad news. "Meredith." She said, barely audible. It was silent for a while, no one spoke. All of a sudden, the room burst into activity when Derek hurled the clipboard he was holding into a wall.

The sound broke the silence and snapped everyone out of the reverie. It was an uncontrolled room of volume and chaos and movement.

"People, shut the hell up and listen to me." Chief Webber boomed, getting everyone's attention.

"OR one. Addison Shepherd. Bullet lodged in the upper spinal column, at the base of the brain stems. Needs emergency nuerosurgery. OR two Mark Sloan. Bullet made a clean entry and exit through the left shoulder. Needs stitches. OR four, David Gold, bullet grazed his abdomen, needs stitches."

"And room three?" Bailey asked.

"Meredith Grey. Bullet lodged in the brain, somewhere near her frontal cortex. Also needs nuerosurgery."

Miranda looked around, sizing them up. "Karev, head to room four. You can stitch that guy up yourself. Stevens, room three, and a needle. Get sewing."

She looked at Derek, and then at the chief. "Room one." Said Webber. "Take Yang with you."

Christina started to move, but Derek stayed where he was. He shook his head. "No."

"Derek."

"No." he said firmly. He realized that this was ridiculous. It was an obvious choice. Two bullets in two brains. They both needed him. So you operate on your wife right? Especially if you're the best.

Unless it's just a little more complicated. Unless the thought of the girl in the other room fighting for her life with a bullet in her head makes you sick. Makes you want to turn back time and be there just to jump in front of her and take the bullet yourself.

The chief raised his eyebrows. "Derek, your wife is lying there. She needs surgery."

Derek's fists clenched, and Christina was sure he was going to throw something again. "Richard, listen to me. Meredith has a fucking bullet in her brain. We both know that has to come out now."

"Addison could be paralyzed."

"And Meredith could die!" Derek shouted. Movement stopped again. "Now, there are other neurosurgeons in this hospital. I'm sure one of them will be able to handle Addison. If you'll go find one, that'd be great, because I'm scrubbing up to operate on Meredith."

The Chief looked at him for a long time, then nodded slowly. "I'll get Dr. Venne." He agreed.

Dr. Bailey shook her head, and regarded her tow remaning interns. "O'Malley." She said. "Assist Dr. Shepherd. Yang, scrub up and wait for Dr. Venne."

* * *

It was when he stepped into the OR and saw her, he felt something he had absolutely never felt before. Intense grief. Intense anger. And a surge of love so poignant, he almost couldn't take it.

George watched carefully, and saw what he always knew was there. Dr. Sherpherd's face twisted from looking like he might cry, to looking like he might hurl something else at the wall, to looking like he might propose.

It was in that moment that he stopped being angry with Meredith. She had made a mistake with him, but in this moment, George knew she was sorry. She hadn't meant to hurt him, she was just consumed with someone else.

Someone else who was just as consumed with her.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Sound And Fury

Authors: Sara And Lizzie

Rating: T for language, mild sex

Disclaimer: we don't own grey's anatomy, or any anatomies but our own at that.

Author's Note: Ok. Our first Grey's Anatomy fic. Set after Derek picks Addison and Meredith sleeps with George. Review. No matter how you feel about it, review. Chapters will get longer. Thanks to the person who was honest and said it sucked. Maybe it does. We'll try to make it better.

1:45 am

He stands, looking out the window, transfixed by moon and stars. He only turns when he feels a presence next to him.

"You shouldn't be out of bed."

"I'm fine."

There's a pause in which the silence threatens to fill the hall and end their conversation before it starts, but he is determined not to let that happen.

"She might not walk again Derek." There's pain in that voice, and he hears it, feels it.

"Her life wasn't in danger."

"Did you hear me?" he demanded, "I said she might not walk."

"She'll live." His own voice sounds flat and emotionless.

"Jesus, Derek, she needed you and let her down!"

Dr. Shepherd turns and faces this man. "Meredith could have died." Is all he says.

Mark Sloan turned and faced him. "Why bother pretending?" he asked, before he walked away.

* * *

3:58 am

George emerged from the on call room, expecting to feel groggy, but he was wide awake. He locked eyes with Bailey, who had paged him. She nodded. He started walking. Then he stopped.

George walked to the last place he had seen Dr. Shepherd, and was surprised to see he was still standing there, staring out the window. George stood beside him and whispered.

"She's awake."

It was as though he was coming back to life. His lifeless eyes sparked with something intense, and he started walking.

"What's your name?" George asked Meredith. He was sitting by her bed, talking to her, as Derek checked the machines surrounding her and nurse prepared an IV.

"Meredith Grey." She repsonded groggily.

"And mine?"

"George."

"And his?"

"McDreamy."

George smiled. "She'll be fine."

"My head hurts." Meredith murmured.

George smiled again. "You got shot, Mere." He said softly. "But you're gonna be fine."

She nodded, and a smile graced her lips before her eyes closed again.

George re-entered the on call, surprised to find Izzie, Alex and Christina all sitting up and talking. They all looked expectantly at George.

"She's awake. Her vitals are fine. She knows herself, me, and McDreamy." He said with a smirk. "She'll be fine."

The room filled with a collective sigh of relief. "What the hell happened in the OR?" Izzie asked.

George shook his head. "You can't imagine."

A sharp knock at the door pierced the exclusiveness of their circle. Derek's head appeared in the door frame.

"Hi." He said. "I have to ask something of you."

Christina nodded, and he entered the room. "I don't want Meredith to know I was her surgeon."

Four blank stares blinked back at him. He sighed. "If I could explain it, I'd try. Just please don't say anything."

Four heads nodded, all working through their own reasons for the secrecy.

* * *

One Month Later

"Meredith is coming in today."

"For God's sakes, Izzie, I'm not stupid. These are things I remember."

"You know she thinks Mc- Derek doesn't care."

"Right. He's completely apathetic."

"I just wish we could tell her about her surgery."

"Tell me what?" Meredith asked, popping around the corner from where she had been shamelessly eavesdropping. She wore her scrubs, and there was nothing other than a faint scar to indicate that it was just a little over a month ago she had been shot in the head.

"Tell me what?" she asked again, more demanding this time.

Christina and Izzie both looked, enraptured at the ceiling.

"What about my surgery?" Meredith persisted.

Her demands were met with blank stares.

"Don't make me pull the file." She threatened.

Christina rolled her eyes, and put a hand on Meredith's wrist. She beckoned her into the nearest on-call room, which was mercifully empty.

Izzie traipsed in behind them and shut the door.

"I'm going to go on record saying that this inofrmation will probably create more chaos than it's worth."Christina said.

Izzie sat down. "Meredith, when you got shot, Derek went ballistic. Obscenities were screamed, objects were thrown. Addison needed the bullet removed from her brain stem."

"Which Derek did. And Chief performed surgery on me."

"Not so much." Christina chimed in. Meredith's brow furrowed.

"It was more like Derek performed surgery on you." Izzie said. "Instead of Addison."

Meredith's eyebrows shot up. "Oh." She said. "oh."

* * *

It didn't seem fair, even to Meredith. She was back at work, with a whole new world of hope, and Addison could barely stand up.

She supposed that if she was really bitter, she could consider this her just rewards, but her insides were twisting with anticipation and nerves, and the complex workings of the universe were a little beyond her control. She took a few deep breaths and left the darkened on call room.

Meredith decided she must have been an awful person in a past life, because the first person she nearly crashed into on her way out was Derek.

"Hi." She said breathily.

"Welcome back." Came his stiff reply. He put his head down, and kept walking. She sighed. Whoever claimed to have a knight in shining armor was full of shit.

* * *

It wasn't supposed to be this way. None of it was. There wasn't supposed to be a Meredith, or a Seattle Grace, or a dark pit of love and lust that he couldn't escape.

Or maybe it was the either way around, and there wasn't supposed to be an Addison, or a Mark or the life he barely remembered.

In that firey moment, after he just touched her in the hallway, Derek Shepherd could see the inevitable.


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Sound And Fury

Authors: Sara And Lizzie

Rating: T for language, mild sex

Disclaimer: we don't own grey's anatomy, or any anatomies but our own at that.

Author's Note: Ok. Our first Grey's Anatomy fic. Set after Derek picks Addison and Meredith sleeps with George. Review. No matter how you feel about it, review. Chapters will get longer. Song is by Jack's Mannequin.

_**Skin new, hands true,  
My hands all over you,  
So what's another night,  
The seat's rolled back,  
We can't see through.  
The rain's the rain.  
And some air'd be good. **_

It was raining on Seattle. What else was new? But this time, it wasn't a cold or bitter rain. It was a warmer, steamier rain. It complimented the exceptionally warm spring they were having. It complimented to exceptionally tense atmosphere inside the Seattle Grace Hospital. It was a rain that tugged at you, made you feel something, made you feel something a little crazy.

The cynics say it's nothing but water. But sometimes, even the most cynical people can be surprised. Maybe your life can be turned upside down. And maybe you are utterly powerless to stop it. Outside, it was raining on Manhattan. Inside, Meredith rested her head on the wall of her apartment, and thought over the events of the day.

It was the first day since she'd been back to work that Derek had spoken to her, and even then it was only to ask for another surgical tool. She'd gone into surgery with him that day.

Run of the mill car crash that died. On the table. Right in front of them. It shouldn't have been a crisis. They were doctors, and people died in front of them all the time.

Dawn, the girl in the car, was six years old. Her mom, who had escaped unscathed, was convinced she would make it.

She hadn't.

Now, in her empty apartment, with Izzie out somewhere, and George at Callie's, that all seemed so long ago. When they came out of surgery, Derek had been harsh and snappy with her, and then he refused to say anything at all.

Now, left with nothing but the knowledge he saved her life, but could barely bring himself to speak with her, she just felt guilty, and hurt. Still in her scrubs, she left her apartment, and set out in the rain. Her walk turned into a run, and she had no idea how long she was gone.

When she got back home, he was there. He said nothing, just stared at her, while the rain pounded the concrete around them. When they reached her door, she fumbled with the key, but he still said nothing.

She let them both inside. They stood awkwardly in the living room, both of them dripping all over the floor, but still they said nothing. Their eyes met, and his pierced hers, and she felt a little bit like she might be the one drowning this time.

Meredith didn't know what to do. For once in her life, she had nothing to say. Until he spoke for both of them.

"Mere." He choked out. His voice sounded like he was. Broken. Or just too full of everything not to be wrecked.

She wanted to know why. Why this was about to happen. Why now, after he had taken so much care to put so much space between them. Why he had chosen to break down now, and take every inch of room away.

Maybe it was because of the girl that died, or because she got shot six weeks ago, or maybe that was just the tip of the iceberg. Maybe it was because they spent every day walking around like they were happy, and they just couldn't fight it anymore.

Or maybe it was just because Derek's marriage, and his stability and his control were crumbling.

The fact that Addison Shepherd was in a rehab wing of the hospital learning how to walk again, and that he was married to her topped the list of reasons why they shouldn't. There was one reason ringing in her mind as to why they should. She loved him.

But it wasn't the only reason. She loved him now, and had, practically since day one. But now he needed her. He was lost and broken, and in front of her in pieces, and she wanted to be the one who put him back together.

"Meredith." He whispered. "I need you."

And with those words, she was out of reasons not to. Her heart shattered at his last words, and she didn't feel such an intense need to protect it anymore. He was broken, so was she. They had smashed each other.

She kised him. She was soaked, shaking and scared, but she kissed him, and he kissed back. She couldn't seem to remember that the last time they did this, it nearly killed her, or that he was married, or anything that mattered.

They kissed their way into her bedroom, where Meredith threw away her coveted control over her own heart, and Derek gave in to the feelings that had been eating away at him for months.

He pulled her soaking wet scrubs over her head, and she reached for the zipper on his jeans. Before long, they had thrown away their supressed feelings and their rationale.

They had become little more than bare skin and tangled bed sheets.

And it was raining on Seattle.


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Sound And Fury

Authors: Sara And Lizzie

Rating: T for language, mild sex

Disclaimer: we don't own grey's anatomy, or any anatomies but our own at that.

Author's Note: Ok. Our first Grey's Anatomy fic. Set after Derek picks Addison and Meredith sleeps with George. Review. No matter how you feel about it, review. Chapters will get longer. Song is by Jack's Mannequin.

_**I swear I didn't mean for it feel like this, like every inch of me is bruised. **_

Sex. In this case, it was inevitable. They'd had too much of each other not to want, need more. Meredith was gratified to know he was still the best sex of her life. But it was so much more than sex.

She was sitting on her bed, with her knees to chest and staring at the sheets long after he left. All her questions led her to the same damning answer.

Meredith squeezed her eyes shut. His wife was living in the rehabilitation wing of the hospital. She couldn't walk. And what was Meredith doing? Pulling Addison's husband down on top of her.

"You're gorgeous, Mere." He had whispered. People had been telling her that her whole life. Beautiful.Gorgeous. Just like her mother. Only she hadn't really believed it until Derek Shepherd whispered it to her in the dark.

* * *

Mark Sloan sat in his newly leased apartment in Seattle. This wasn't the plan. He was supposed to come and get her, and if he couldn't, he was going to hightail it back to New York. But he couldn't leave her. Especially not like this. Especially when Derek all ready had.

The faint glow from his TV illuminated the living room, and Mark bites his lips in an attempt to keep it all together. Addison couldn't walk. One month later, and she still wasn't walking. It was a bad sign.

* * *

Derek walked down the hall looking shell shocked. He had just seen Addison. She was encouraged. Her therapy was helping her legs and the doctors were hopeful. He felt like shit. Until he saw Meredith, and her pale skin, how thin her face looked.

Then he felt worse than shit.

Christina sighed. She didn't live with Meredith anymore, but she sure as hell knew when something was going on. She locked eyes with Izzie over Meredith's bent down head. They knew this Meredith. It was sleep deprived, over caffeienated Meredith. She was picking at her lunch in the manner she had been acting like all day.

Derek sat down at a nearby table, facing Meredith. They had been doing this dance all day. Tense and overbearing Derek confronting jumpy and introvered Meredith. She went through hoops and bounds to avoid him, and he practically shouted at her in hopes of eliciting some sort of reaction.

Derek looked Meredith in the eye across their tables. She got up and walked away, without a word to Christina or Izzie. Izzie got up and followed Meredith. Christina sat, watching Derek look at where Meredith had been sitting. Then she looked in the direction of her fellow female interns. She ignored both impulses, and stayed where she was.

* * *

Gray, tumultuous clouds shadowed the sun, and a warm breeze picked up. Meredith could feel how charged it was. The electricity was in her gut, and there was no controlling any of it now.

She sighed, and slumped back against the bench. She should be inside making rounds, but in the hospital was not where she wanted to be today.

She didn't want to talk to Derek. She didn't want to hear that it was a mistake and that he was sorry.

He sat down next to her. Meredith cursed the universe and whatever Gods up there were laughing at her right now.

"Hey stranger." He said, his tone light.

"Hey."

"Haven't heard much out of you today."

She shrugged. "I guess you know how it feels, then. Cause I havent heard much out of you either."

Derek nodded, knowing she was right. Meredith bit her lip and waited for the apology to grace his lips. The one that would wipe that night from memory, and render it never to be spoken of again.

"I can't explain myself Meredith." He said solemnly, "And I'm sorry for that. I know that last night was surreal, but I feel like… like I fixed something."

She blinked at him, her face inquisitive. She was waiting for the earth shattering blow.

"Mere, I went home, and for the first time in so long, I could sleep."

His words hit her, and she absorbed them. She wasn't sure how it happened, out there, under the clouds, but the next she knew, she was kissing him.

When they pulled away, and their eyes locked, she was left with his unspoken answer to her unspoken question. She would never be the same.

* * *

She leaves him outside, and collapses onto a bed in the nearest on call room. She could feel herself changing. There were something evil, something that she had been hiding inside since Addison came, and now it was no longer in the depths of her, it was crawling right under her skin, about to break the surface.

It was pure lust, pure love, and the precarious beginnings of wanting, taking and having. She dug her nails into her palm, and she could barely feel the pain. Their delicate balance of restraint, desire, insecurity and control was finally crumbling from underneath them.

It stemmed from their shared, unspoken insecurity that neither one of them would ever measure up to anything.

Meredith feels the crushing realization of a woman who has lost her coveted control. She starts to get angry. She gets up, and leaves the room.

Her fingers wrap around his wrist as soon as she finds him and she pulls him into an empty clinic room.

"Derek." She says, "Do you understand what we did?"

He nods.

"Your wife is currently paralyzed, Derek." Her voice is venomous, laced with fury. "Because of you and me."

"You know." He says softly.

"Yes, Derek, I know." Her angry façade starts to crumble, and her eyes fill up. "And, God, I need to know why."

The usually composed, slightly arrogant doctor's hand are shaking. They've always been steady, but now they're shaking. He steps toward her. "Meredith, you had a bullet in your brain. I couldn't let you die."

She collapses now, consumed by tears. And to her surprise, he was there to catch her.


	6. Chapter 6

Title: Sound And Fury

Authors: Sara And Lizzie

Rating: T for language, mild sex

Disclaimer: we don't own grey's anatomy, or any anatomies but our own at that.

Author's Note: Ok. Our first Grey's Anatomy fic. Set after Derek picks Addison and Meredith sleeps with George. Review. No matter how you feel about it, review. Chapters will get longer. .

_"This is nothing new, you are slipping through my fingers." -Jack's Mannequin_

Meredith sat up in her bed and hugged her knees to her chest. Derek was sleeping next to her. She couldn't quite justify falling asleep next to him yet. Her mind was still reeling at the fact that she was just like her mother now. The other woman.

She chewed her thumbnail and considered this. Her mother had destroyed her father. There were a lot of people left for Meredith to destroy. Addison, for one, who was disabled because her husband had chosen not to save her.

Derek rolled over and blinked up at her. "Hey." He said.

She reached a hand out and he took it, smiling at her face and hair in the moonlight that streamed through the window. HE held her hand and she tried not to ask the questions that threatened to pour out.

She didn't know what it meant or where it was going, but she didn't think he knew himself. So she let him pull her down next to him, but she wouldn't let herself fall asleep. She was afraid to do anything to make it real. She had gotten her hopes up with Derek before, and it only crashed on top of her.

* * *

Their third room mate was gone when George and Izzie left for work the next day. They got to Seattle Grace, for about the first time ever, because Izzie wanted to check on Denny.

They stepped off the elevator discussing the grocery list, and rounded the corner and opened the door to an on call room to flip a coin over who had to do the next round of shopping, but stopped short when they saw the room was already occupied.

Derek and Meredith sat on the floor, practically on top of each other, facing the opposite direction. They were eating muffins and drinking from the same cup of coffee. Derek was pointing something out to Meredith on a patient's chart, and she was beaming at him.

Izzie noticed that Derek was wearing the same shirt he had on yesterday, but Meredith had changed. She raised her eyebrows at George and nodded towards the hall way.

"They wouldn't." Izzie said, shutting the door as quietly as she could. "They couldn't. Addison can't walk for God's sake."

George shrugged. "I guess they wouldn't." But he knew they would. He could tell they already had.

Miranda Bailey was a hard ass, and today was no exception. She handed out assignments without sympathy, and without thinking sent Meredith to perform tests in the rehabilitation wing.

* * *

Derek left his last consultation of the morning and headed to see his wife.

"Hi." He said, entering her room, kissing her cheek and sitting down in a chair.

"Hi." She said back. Why was it so awkward to talk to Derek? They were married for God's sakes. One thing was for sure, she was not going to say anything about..

"I saw Meredith today." She said before she could stop herself. Shit. There it was. Derek sat up a little straighter.

"Where?" He asked, immediately regretting it.

"I can't walk Derek. It would have had to have been here, wouldn't it?"

"I'm sorry." He said quietly.

She ignored the apology. "She was doing tests. She was glowing. New boyfriend?"

"Wouldn't know." He said easily. "But it wouldn't surprise me."

"She looked really happy." Addison said, testing him. "Thrilled actually. Her eyes were shining."

She looked for signs of jealousy, but his fists remained unclenched and his jaw was relaxed. She raised her eyebrows in surprise, and looked guiltily over at the flowers that Mark had brought for her.

* * *

It was true. The spark was back in Meredith Grey's eyes. Last week, she barely said a word to anyone. Today she didn't talk, she bubbled. Derek walked up to her angrily in the hall as she was about to leave the hospital.

"You went to the rehab wing?" he demanded. "What the hell were you thinking?"

She smiled, confused at his tone. "I was thinking Bailey sent me there. So I went. Crazy me." She said lightly.

"Jesus Meredith, Addison saw you."

"I know." Her tone was more serious now.

"Why would you even go there and risk that? God, you need to be the last thing on her mind right now."

Meredith's jaw set firmly. "I'm sorry Derek, but what was I supposed to say? Sorry Dr. Bailey, but I'm sleeping with the husband of a patient there?"

"Don't be a bitch Mere."

"Don't be an asshole Derek."

"Damn it Meredith, just be more careful!"

"I'm not the married one fucking around."

He stared at her angrily and without another word walked away.

* * *

Four days. Derek hadn't spoken to her in four days. Four days, twenty three hours and about six minutes, not that she was counting. She trudged into Joe's and plopped down on a bar stool next to Izzie.

"Tequilla." She said. "Keep 'em coming."

Izzie eyed her, her expression a mixture of curiosity and worry. "Fell off of cloud nine?"

"It was quite the crash."

"Meredith, what's going on? Is this about Derek?"

She shook her head firmly. "No. It's really nothing Iz." As if on cue, she spotted Derek across the room talking to another doctor. He nodded for her to come over and she did, sliding off her stool without a word to Izzie. He led her to a corner and ran a hand through his hair.

"Hi." She said.

"I'm sorry."

"Me too."

"Meredith, as much as I want to, we can't do this. We just can't."

"I know." She bit her lip and looked down. "I know."

He eyed her. "And it's ok? We're okay?"

She shrugged. "It has to be okay. It's just embarrassing Derek. I shouldn't have thought…" She trailed off. "It doesn't matter." She started moving. "I'm going home."

"Be careful." He asked, pleading.

"Top priority." She said with a wry smile. She walked away. Right past the bar, and straight out into the night. She slammed the door hard and Derek fought the urge to run after her.

He had expected to feel relieved after this conversation. He expected his guilt would fade and things would lapse back into their usual routine. But he couldn't stop staring at the place where Meredith had just been standing. Now, emptiness replaced the guilt.


	7. Chapter 7

Title: Sound And Fury

Authors: Sara And Lizzie

Rating: T for language, mild sex

Disclaimer: we don't own grey's anatomy, or any anatomies but our own at that.

Author's Note: Ok. Our first Grey's Anatomy fic. Set after Derek picks Addison and Meredith sleeps with George. Review. No matter how you feel about it, review. Chapters will get longer. Thank you so much to temptest- races for keeping it real and telling it to us like it is. We'll work on the technical stuff. You rock.

_"Go on, go on, put your hand into the fire." – Thirteen Senses_

It was ungodly hot. The kind of heat reserved for places like Los Angeles and Miami. Definitely not Seattle's normal kind of weather. Especially not in early June. Even the breeze seemed to merely blow theheat between the buildings.

And it wasn't the only kind of heat being thrown around. Derek and Meredith hadn't come close to touching in days, and neither of them was handling the tension well.

Meredith sighed and trudged through the hospital. She stopped short at the sight of Derek, who smirked at her in that you know you want me kind of way usually reserved for frat boys.She was defenseless now, especially against his smug maneuvers. She sighed again, this time out of gratitude that Derek wasn't perceptive enough to see how deep her feelings went.

She turned blatantly away from him, only to come face to face, this time, with Bailey. "Grey, do you remember the skinny brunette that refused a tox screen last week?"

Meredith's brow furrowed. She did recall the girl. Obviously on drugs, brought in by her mom because she was throwing up everywhere. "I think so."

"Well she's back. And so hopped on amphetamines, she's probably taken her room apart by now." It was Bailey's turn to sigh. "Normally, I turn this over to psych, but she's asking for you."

Meredith shrugged and headed in the direction that her superior pointed her in.

* * *

"Hi," she said, upon entering the room, "Riley, right?" The girl nodded. "I'm Dr. Grey."

"I know." Riley said in a shaky whisper. "I asked for you. I can talk to you right?" she asked, speaking rapidly. Meredith nodded. Riley nodded back. "Give me about half an hour." She instructed.

Meredith nodded again, and this time left, letting the nurse who bustled into the room take care of Riley for now.

She headed out of the room, and for the second time in time minutes almost crashed into Derek.

"Hi." She said.

"You sure that's a good idea?" Derek asked, gesturing towards the room. "Could get messy."

"Thanks, but I think I can handle myself with messy."

His face softened. "I know, Mere, it's just that…." He trailed off. She stood there, waiting for him to say more, but he didn't.

"Derek, please don't waste our time with half sentences. If you say have something to say, just say it. If not, don't try to make this easier by pretending to care so much." She crossed her arms and waited. Derek stared at her, then looked down at the floor.

"That's what I thought." She told him before once again, walking away, leaving him to stare at her retreating back.

She walked through the hospital, angrily reliving the events of the last week in her mind. She hated Derek, she hated Addison and she hated herself. Doubling back, she entered Riley's room forty minutes later and the girl had calmed down quite a lot.

Meredith shut the door and raised her eyebrows.

"I asked for you because you were the only one that stuck out to me." Riley said. "You're not like, forty, and you seem like you might get it."

"Get what?"

"My, um, my situation."

"What's that?"

"My boyfriend. I'm pretty sure he's trying to kill me."

Meredith raised her eyebrows. "Oh." She said. "Well that's not good."

* * *

She shook her head to clear it as she left Riley's room. She had heard the whole sordid tale. There was another girl, and she suspected that her boyfriend was hooking up with her. It was cool, because Riley was 'totally into someone else too', and she didn't know why, but she was convinced it was Greg who got all of those drugs into her system.

"All I take is speed." Riley hadinsisted. "Never crack, never meth, never coke."

Meredith couldn't even handle her own life, for God's sake, and now she had to deal with the intricate, crime ridden life of a wayward seventeen year old?

Lost in these thoughts, she breezed through the wing that held the rooms of the rehab patients. It seemed to be desolate, but all of a sudden, she heard the intrusive, tell tale beep of a heart dropping into cardiac arrest. She looked around the hall. She shouted. No response. Meredith Grey sprinted toward the room, grabbing a nurse as she went.

Seconds later, she was positioning the defibrillator onto the chest of Addison Montgomery- Sheppard.

* * *

"What the hell happened?" Meredith asked Addison's doctor an hour later.

"Lack of nutrition. The meds she's on aren't conducive to any kind of appetite and we took her off the IV this week. She's been progressing quite well until now."

"So what, the lack of energy just caused her to shut down?"

He nodded. "Thank God you were around, Dr. Grey. Dr. Sheppard just got out of surgery, and he's on his way."

Meredith nodded. "Glad I could help. Tell Derek I'm glad she's okay." She ran for the nearest exit.

* * *

Derek sat in a chair next to Addison's bed. "Jesus, Addison that scared me."

She smiled. "How do you think I felt? Thank God Meredith was passing by when she was, or who knows?"

"Meredith?"

"You didn't hear? She responded first. Walking down the hallway, heard me crashing. Grabbed a new nurse, shocked me a few times. And now I'm fine."

Derek nodded. "Meredith huh?"

Addison smiled and nodded back. "She's a good doctor."

Derek noticed that she didn't feel the need to add person to the list of things Meredith was good as. All of a sudden he was stunned that she had done that, stunned that she hadn't waited around for him and stunned that she didn't even want to tell him about it.

* * *

He couldn't stop wondering what it meant. Even hours later when he was sitting in his trailer, he couldn't decide. Maybe she hated him. Hated him for dangling her, hated him for not being able to tell her what she needed to hear. Or maybe it was the other end of the spectrum.

He couldn't exactly be sure. The knocking at his door broke his reverie.

"Meredith?" he said, surprised.

"I'm not sure why I'm here." She blurted out, without making a move to stay. She didn't make a move to leave either. "I don't know if it's Addison or you and me or what ever we feel or don't feel or don't want to feel, but here I am."

There she was. He grabbed her hand and pulled her inside, knowing she was the only person who could cause his temperature to rise when it was ninety degrees outside.

They stared at each other, eyes locked, hearts racing. She was waiting for him to say something, give her something. But he couldn't.

It was too hot for words. Seattle was steaming, and their attraction fueled the fire. It was too hot for this city, and too hot for this trailer.

Derek pressed his lips to Meredith's and kissed her. Her hand moved to his zipper.

It was almost too hot for the confused and ineligible to handle.


	8. Chapter 8

Title: Sound And Fury

Authors: Sara And Lizzie

Rating: T for language, mild sex

Disclaimer: we don't own grey's anatomy, or any anatomies but our own at that.

Author's Note: Ok. Our first Grey's Anatomy fic. Set after Derek picks Addison and Meredith sleeps with George. Review. No matter how you feel about it, review. Chapters will get longer. We tried to step it up with our grammar, but we still suck. If anyone wants to edit that before we post future chaps, we'll have sex with you. REVIEW, PLEASE.

_"This guilt feels so familiar, and I'm home." –Something Corporate_

Mark Sloan was drinking a cup of coffee in the Seattle Grace hospital. Addison had shaken him yesterday. He hadn't really left the hospital since. He leaned against the wall, considering his next move. Maybe this was fruitless. Maybe Addison and Derek were going to work it out.

But the thought of going back to New York knowing that Addison was here, virtually alone and unable to walk made him almost sick. His attention was attracted to the door of a room down the hall. Derek walked out, striding toward an elevator, not noticing Mark was even there.

Mark raised his eyebrows at the state his former best friend was in. He was disheveled, and his hair was mussed. No sooner had Derek disappeared into the elevator, Mark saw Meredith slink out of the same room. She was adjusting her scrubs, but her hair screamed sex, out of place in the way that told you someone was running their hands through it. She pulled it into a ponytail, and in doing so, met Mark's eyes.

He saw it in her fleeting glance. Guilt.

* * *

Meredith stood outside the OR fifteen minutes watching Derek perform a surgery, pretending that nothing had happened in that on call room.

Bailey walked by her and stopped. "Grey." She demanded. "I've been paging you for half an hour. There's plenty you can do without standing there looking all whimsical. Room 234."

Meredith raised her eyebrows, and headed off towards the room with one last glance at Derek.

"Reily." Meredith said, entering the room. "What the hell happened to you?" Without waiting for an answer she grabbed the chart from the door and started reading. "A stab wound? Jesus." She said, more to herself than Reily. She looked up at the girl. "You were naked? Why the hell were you naked?"

Reily rolled her eyes. "We were having sex."

"And he stabbed you?"

She shrugged. Meredith blanched. "Reily. You told me he tried to kill you. What the hell were you thinking having sex with him?"

She shrugged again. Meredith sighed. Impressionable girls in love made awful choices. She was tapping her foot, still waiting for an explanation from the girl in the hospital bed when a police officer walked into the room. "Meredith Grey?"

"Hi." She said, extending her hand. "She just told me what happened."

"Precisely why we wanted to talk to you." Reily raised her eyebrows. Meredith merely followed the officer out of the room.

* * *

Derek left the OR and headed toward the rehabilitation wing. What a tangled web it was. Had it ever been simple, he wondered. No. Probably not. Even when he had tried to make it simple by choosing Addison, it hadn't really been simple, because despite all of his efforts to convince himself otherwise, he was in love with Meredith.

So it was never simple. At least it was never this complicated. It was ironic, to an almost poetic point that Meredith, who flew through men, had found her downfall, not in that vicious cycle, but in the only man she loved.

Derek shook his head, plastered a smile on his face and walked into Addison's room.

Mark observed. They had both looked somber before, but now they were talking animatedly and she was laughing. Their palms were flat on the counter and Mark could see that their fingertips were touching.

Derek put his hand on top of hers before leaving, and she stared after him as he walked down the hall.

"Meredith."

"Mark." She said, obviously surprised. "Watch out. Last time we talked you got a bloody nose."

He raised his eyebrows and she shrugged. "Okay, I thought that could have been funny." She said sheepishly.

Mark looked at her for a long time. "You know he's still married, even if she cant walk around to catch you."

Meredith closed her eyes. "You're going to tell her."

"No I'm not. I don't want her to come with me because Derek is fucking you, Meredith. I want her to come with me because she wants to."

Meredith reacted like she'd been slapped. Fucking her. Like it was that simple. Pure, lecherous, unattached sex. Mark started to walk away. He turned around.

"He says he chose to stay with her to try and make things right. But he saved your life."

* * *

Meredith let Derek in her house several hours later, still reeling from her brief conversation with Mark. "I heard about what happened to Reily." Derek said.

"It's amazing, how she just doesn't get it."

"Be careful with her Meredith. That's a bomb waiting to blow."

"I'm a big girl, Derek. I can certainly take care of myself." She said, with an edge to her voice.

"Yea, you can take care of a lot of people Meredith."

"You included." She shot at him, without thinking. His eyes narrowed.

"Don't, Mere," he said, his voice rising. "Just don't."

"Don't tell me what to do!"

"I just told you to be careful."

"Ironic, coming from someone who seems to enjoy risk taking."

Derek raised his eyebrows, looking livid and hurt at the same time, and Meredith cringed. She knew none of this was easy for him either, but she couldn't stop herself.

"Meredith, I can't explain myself."

"Obviously not."

"Why don't you try to if you're so full of answers?" He was shouting now. She glared at him, but she didn't say anything.

"See?" he shouted. "You won't go there either."

"Jesus, Derek? Are you that out of touch?" She slammed her hand down on the closest counter.

"I asked you to be careful Meredith. That's all. Because I don't want to see you get mixed up in some drug dealing drama and get hurt because you want to spite me."

"Because I want to spite you? Derek, get over yourself."

"It's a two way street, Mere."

"Well I'll try not to get killed by any cars crossing that street. I'd hate to get killed and spite you."

"It might simple things up for me if you did." Derek retorted without thinking. Meredith stopped shouting, and became completely silent; letting everything he said wash over her. She blinked rapidly and then cast her eyes to the floor.

"Mere…" Derek said, realizing the line he'd crossed.

"Don't." she said, in a low, icy tone.

"Meredith, you know I didn't mean that."

"Sounded like it."

"Just go, Derek? Okay, please just go."

She turned her back to him, and he stared at her for a long time before turning and walking out the door.

When George came into the kitchen several minutes later, he found Meredith sitting on the floor, back to the fridge, with a bottle of tequila next to her.

"You want to tell me what that was all about?"

"Shit. I didn't think anyone was home."

"Well I heard it all. What's going on Mere?"

She was silent for a long time, and when she finally spoke, her voice was barely above a whisper. "Imagine you're doing something so wrong it makes you sick. And even though you know how bad it is, because she can't even walk on her own, for Christ's fucking sake, you can't stop doing it, because if you don't get those five more minutes with him, your world might stop."

She looked at George and shrugged. "Tell me what that is, and that's your answer."

George stared at Meredith, a bizarre mix fragility, arrogance and ego. He reached for her bottle, and she thought he would take it, but he simply poured her another shot, handed it to her and said, "That's love Mere. That's love."


	9. Chapter 9

Title: Sound And Fury

Authors: Sara And Lizzie

Rating: T for language, mild sex

Disclaimer: we don't own grey's anatomy, or any anatomies but our own at that.

Author's Note: Ok. Our first Grey's Anatomy fic. Set after Derek picks Addison and Meredith sleeps with George. Review. No matter how you feel about it, review. Chapters will get longer. We tried to step it up with our grammar, but we still suck. REVIEW, PLEASE.

"So you're sleeping with him." George said.

"Yes, I'm sleeping with him. Jesus, Meredith, how did this happen?"

"I wish I knew. You know, you could have told me you scrubbed in for the surgery Derek performed on me."

"I'm sorry."

"I feel so dirty, George. What if this is all about the sex?"

"What if he loves you?"

Meredith picked up her bottle and her shot glass, but returned the shot glass to the floor and started drinking straight from her bottle. George sat with her on the floor in the kitchen, just the two of them, staring straight ahead.

* * *

"Yang, you've got patients that need tests." Bailey called out the next morning. "Karev, you take rehab today, O'Malley, scrub in with me, Izzie, Dr. Burke needs you to run labs on 324, which leaves Grey. Shepherd requested you."

"No."

"Excuse me?"

"Dr. Bailey, I'll do rounds, I'll do rectal exams. Anything."

"What Shepherd wants, he gets, Meredith."

Ain't that the truth, Meredith thought to herself, as she flipped open a chart and dutifully reported to the correct room. She didn't meet his eyes.

"What can I do for you, Dr. Shepherd?" she asked in a cold, clipped tone.

"I need to remove a clot from Mr. Dawson's brain. Thought you'd want in on the surgery."

"How thoughtful of you, Doctor. I'll scrub in." She looked at him, and then looked away immediately.

'It might simple things up for me if you did.' His own words echoed in his head. Derek winced.

She was coldly polite to him through surgery, betraying no emotion. Her performance was nearly flawless, except for a slip when they locked eyes over the operating table, and he mouthed, 'I'm sorry'.

* * *

The shift had ended. It had been tense today, with Meredith being introverted one minute, and flying out of control with rage the next. Izzie tapped her foot outside Meredith's room as Derek rang their door bell again.

"Meredith." He called up through her open window. "This is ridiculous. You have to talk to me."

She leaned out of the window and yelled. "Wrong. The only thing I have to do in life is die." She didn't care that Izzie and George and all of the neighbors and passers by could hear everything.

Izzie sighed loudly. "Meredith. I don't know what the hell is going on, and it's obvious you aren't going to tell me. But you can come to Joe's with George and I now, or you can stay here and fight with McDreamy out the window."

Meredith looked down at Derek on the street. "I can't go out there. You guys go, I'll be along later."

Izzie looked at her friend for awhile, with a concerned look. Finally she nodded and left. Derek greeted Izzie and George with a wave as they passed to the car, and out of loyalty and confusion, they both ignored him, choosing instead to drive away.

"Meredith." He called up to her. "You want to know what I see when I close my eyes? I see you, lying on a table in the OR, with blood everywhere. I remember exactly how I felt when I realized you could die on that table."

She didn't want any more gut wrenching confessions. She didn't want him hear on his white horse, like he was some Trojan hero coming to save her. She needed him to stop this story, so against her better judgment, she walked downstairs and unlocked the door.

"You know I didn't mean that." He said as he walked into her house, shutting the door behind him.

"Shut up Derek." She said her suppressed rage surfacing. "I don't give a shit what you meant. You said what you said."

"I'm sorry for saying what I said, but I can't apologize for not wanting you to get mixed up in wayward teenage drug fueled romance. Meredith, if something happened to you…."

He trailed off, angering her more. She was so tired of him not saying what he felt.

"You need to know, if I could explain us I would. I just-"

This time, she cut him off. She kissed him hard and decisively. He pulled away. "I'm trying to talk to you."

"And I'm trying not to fucking hate you right now." She whispered in a low tone. Derek hadn't been angry until now, but her unwillingness to listen, coupled with her rage fueled the fire.

He lifted her up and pushed her back against the nearest wall. She hooked her legs around his waist and reached for his zipper.

It was disorienting to wake up in the dark, in a strange bed. Derek was a self assured, cocky surgeon, but he felt himself blush with embarrassment and a little bit of shame when he remembered last night.

How he had slammed Meredith around the house. How he'd been rough in anger. And how they'd both gotten off on it. It killed him that Addison was effectively paralyzed.

He thought of breaking it off with Meredith. That was even worse. He left her sleeping, went home and thought. When he got to the hospital, he cornered her the first chance he got.

Meredith groaned inwardly as he stepped onto the elevator at the last second. He waited until they were almost on the second floor, and pressed the emergency stop button.

"I need to talk to you."

"It's funny, Derek," she responded. "I don't have anything to say to you."

"Cut the bullshit, Mere." He said, looking into her eyes. "Just give me five minutes."

She nodded. "I'm sorry." He whispered.

"I can still hear you saying that Derek." She whispered back.

He took both of her hands in his. "I need you Meredith. You know I didn't mean that. You are the last person I want to take any chances with." He pushed the button again, and she got off on the second floor, nodding to him before releasing his hands and striding away.

Derek rode up a few more floors, until it became to clear to him to avoid. He had fought this truth for too long. And here it was. Out in the open, damning, and undeniable.

He was in love with Meredith Grey. He had been since that first night.


	10. Chapter 10

Title: Sound And Fury

Authors: Sara And Lizzie

Rating: T for language, mild sex

Disclaimer: we don't own grey's anatomy, or any anatomies but our own at that.

Author's Note: Ok.. Set after Derek picks Addison and Meredith sleeps with George. Review. No matter how you feel about it, review. Chapters will get longer. We tried to step it up with our grammar, but we still suck. REVIEW, PLEASE. Check out 'A Little Something Called Forever' and 'The Best Laid Plans'. We need reviews to function, so help us out.

_"It's funny how it comes to pass that all the good slips away." –Matchbox Twenty_

Meredith woke up in Derek's trailer the next morning. She was tired, confused and a little defeated. But she got up, showered and followed his to Seattle Grace. They stepped into the elevator together.

"I'm scared." He told her as the doors closed.

"What?"

"This can't go on forever, and I'm scared about what happens next. I can't lose you Meredith." He was trying to make her understand; make her see how much it all meant to him.

"I'm not the one that's married, Derek."

"Meredith…"

"No, Derek. Because I'm scared too. I know this has to end, but the balls not in my court. I'm not the one who can change things."

He opened his mouth, but she held up her hand to stop him. "You're married. Married. And you chose Addison. Sooner or later, Derek, you're going to have to choose again." The elevator stopped, and she gave him a quick kiss before the doors open and she slipped out with a sad smile.

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Addison's pretty face was contorted in concentration. She looked at Mark's outstretched hand and knew this was it. Now or fucking never. She took the final steps toward him, and pulled her into a hug. She was walking. Slowly, but surely, she was walking again.

"Addison!" he exclaimed. "This is amazing. I'm so proud." Because he was. She was stronger than he thought. Their eyes locked, with Mark's arms still around her. Her legs were shaky, but she was holding her own, and she had him supporting her.

With that thought, she touched her lips to his; falling into a kiss she really wanted to be having. Addison smiled with her lips fused with his, and then abruptly pulled away. She coughed twice, and he helped her back to her bed.

"Could you have one of the nurses page Derek, please?"

"Addie…"

"Please, just do that?"

Mark turned on his heel and left her room. Tears welled in Addison's eyes, but she didn't let them spill over.

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Meredith sat on a bench in a remote corner of the hospital, near the financial and nutritional offices. She knew the odds of Derek finding her there were slim. She held the mocha latte she was drinking in both hands and tucked her knees to her chest.

She felt someone sit down next to her and sigh. She looked over to see Mark Sloan on the bench, and Meredith smiled at him. "You don't look so good."

"Blame Addison. Neither do you."

"Blame Derek."

They smiled at each other, a camaraderie passing between them. "Is it always going to be like this?" Meredith mused. "Are they always going to run our lives, dictate our moods?"

Mark shrugged. "As long as we let them."

It was silent for a while. "They're not even remotely happy, you know." Mark said. "They hardly speak. He doesn't love her."

Meredith turned to face him fully. "I know! Why bother with the façade?"

"The façade," Mark concurred. "Exactly."

Meredith managed a chuckle in spite of herself. "How utterly pathetic are we?"

"Pretty pathetic. I'm embarrassed for both of us. Tossed around by the winds of Hurricane Shepherd."

"Not bothering to try and get out of the storm."

"That was a Derek thing to say." Mark told her.

Meredith smiled. "He loves his metaphors."

They lapsed back into silence. Meredith sat and sipped her latter, waiting for her pager to go off. Mark looked at her. "I know we're both thinking it, but since you're the slightly more innocent dirty mistress, I'll be the one that says it. We could help each other here."

Meredith blushed. "I was thinking that. But at what price? If they found out, they'd never forgive us."

"So that's why you didn't pick me up in the bar."

Meredith smiled. "Exactly. But you know it's true."

"It's true. The stakes in that game are too high. You're a good kid, Meredith. If he leaves her for anyone, I'll hope it's you."

She smiled at him, and rose. "Thanks. He's going to have to choose again, you know."

Mark nodded. "I know. They both will. And the hardest part about it? All we can do is sit back and wait for the gauntlet to fall."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Se met Derek in 'their' on call room, adding to 'their' things that she was bound to hate after all of this was over. She was stuck in the most vicious of cycles. She was beyond broken now. She lived for Derek, and illicit moments with Derek, and she had begun to wonder if she had to live without him, would she ever be whole again.

"Your pagers beeping." Meredith pointed out as she closed the door behind her.

"It's Addison."

"What are you waiting for?"

"You." He said simply.

She shrugged. "You should go to her, Derek. You've barely seen her." He knew she was right, but he didn't want to leave her like this. Meredith's normally bright eyes were dull and ringed with circles, and her voice sounded hollow.

"I'm happy her right now." He said snaking an arm around her waist. She smiled at him, looking like she might forget that his wife was paging him, but she seemed to remember their situation as quickly as she had forgotten it.

She shook her head. "Go."

He stared at her for a long time, and then finally nodded. He kissed her, softly at first and then finally with more urgency. He broke away, and left the room without looking back. Meredith waited for a few minutes, in case someone was watching, and then left the room herself, slamming the door so hard the sound, tinged with fury, ricocheted through the entire hallway.

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"Addison?" Derek called into her room.

Shakily, she got up and took a few steps, waiting for his reaction. Derek watched as his wife walked her first steps in a month, and the feigned enthusiasm.

"Addie, that's great." He said, hugging her. He was glad, he really was. He just didn't know what was going on in his own head right now. Derek shook his head, fighting the insane urge to tell her.

He resisted the need to confess everything, to tell her that he was still in love with Meredith; that he had been with her. He wanted to hear himself saying divorce, but it wasn't the right time.

He congratulated her, and started asking her questions about doctors and rehab, and when the first step was, vaguely wondering if the right time would ever come.

Addison watched him leave, feeling dejected and confused. He had seemed miles away the whole time he was with her. And the questions he was asking, they were questions that he should have been able to answer. Feeling determined, Addison got up and walked to her wheel chair, smart enough to know that she wasn't strong enough to walk more than a few steps. She left her room, and the entire wing. She didn't stop going until she was alone in a room, positioned in front of a file cabinet. She pulled three files, and took them back to her room.

She opened Mark's. Bullet in the shoulder. Clean entry and exit. Sutured by Izzie Stevens. She opened her own file, considerably larger, due to all the surgery she had needed.

Addison Montgomery- Shepherd the file read. She scanned the notes, muttering out loud. "Bullet lodged in upper spinal column, close to brain stem. Emergency neurosurgery…" her own voice trailed off as she moved her eyes down the page. The signature of the surgeon read Dr. David Venne, assisted by Christina Yang.

Dr. David Venne. It felt like a slap in the face. With a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, she flipped open the third file, Meredith's, and focused immediately on the signature of the surgeon. To her own horror, she saw her husband's name on the line.

She called for a nurse as soon as she could fathom what this meant. "Dr. Shepherd, what can I do for you?" asked a young woman in scrubs, sticking her head in the door.

"Please page Dr. Venne for me, Stacey."

The nurse nodded, and Addison reached for her cell phone. She dialed furiously. "Mark?" she said, before he could finish answering. "I need you here now."

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Dr. David Venne stepped into Addison Shepherd's room. "What can I do for you, Addison?"

"David, can you tell me what you recall about the night I was brought into the hospital?" He nodded.

"I was on call. In the cafeteria when I got the page. I heard from the nurses that the interns went ballistic about Grey. They called me in to do her surgery, but Derek wouldn't here it. Threw his clip board at wall, and told Chief Webber that Grey was going to die. Throwing obscenities around, basically defied a direct order from the chief to do your surgery."

Addison blinked at him, wondering how the hell he got off being so blunt, and then realized he didn't know. "David, when did you transfer here?"

"Only about a week before that happened. Came from Portland."

She nodded and thanked him. He left, and she was almost grateful he didn't know about Meredith and Derek. No one else would have been so blunt with her, and she needed to hear that.

Mark stepped into the room, and Addison's face was cold. "You didn't see fit to tell me?"

Mark looked at her quizzically, noticed the files in her hand, and then closed his eyes. "Wasn't my place to tell you, Addie." He said softly.

"Wasn't your place? Jesus, Mark, it's not your place to be here, yet here you remain! I would have wanted to know. I've been trying so hard with him for the last month, wondering why he's been so reserved. God, they probably think I'm stupid."

Mark tried to stay calm, but he couldn't help himself. "Addison, don't you get it? I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't! I'm fighting for you, Addie, and telling you would be cheating, it wouldn't be right, and it would only give you and Derek a reason to drag out this charade for another six months, because it didn't end the right way. I have to toe the line here, or I'm fucked."

He stared at her for a long time, trying to make sense of everything. "But since it's not even my place to be here, I just might be fucked regardless of how I handle things."

He knew he needed to calm down before he said something he would really regret. He turned on his heel, and for the second time that day, walked out, leaving Addison alone.

For the first time in the month since she was shot, Addison started to cry.


	11. Chapter 11

Title: Sound And Fury

Authors: Sara And Lizzie

Rating: T for language, mild sex

Disclaimer: we don't own grey's anatomy, or any anatomies but our own at that.

Author's Note: Ok.. Set after Derek picks Addison and Meredith sleeps with George. Review. No matter how you feel about it, review. Chapters will get longer. We tried to step it up with our grammar, but we still suck. REVIEW, PLEASE. Check out 'A Little Something Called Forever' and 'The Best Laid Plans'. We need reviews to function, so help us out.

"We're too cool to be alone, but not too crazy to get busted." –Matchbox Twenty

Meredith and George were sitting on cots facing the vending machines, whittling away their shift in silence. Meredith didn't know what to say, and George didn't know what to ask.

It was 3:30 in the morning, and there were still too many hours left in the shift for this kind of silence.

"You're miserable, Mer." George said, breaking the silence.

"Gee, don't beat around the bush or anything George." Her voice was hollow and toneless.

"He's married, Meredith." George stressed.

"No kidding."

"Why are you doing this to yourself?"

"You already told me that, George." She said. He eyes her quizzically, disturbed by her lack of emotion. "That's love, Mer." Meredith quoted.

"You are in love with him." George said. It wasn't a question or an answer, but it was out in the open all the same.

Meredith smirked. "It sounds so simple." Her pager went off, and she looked at it, her expression a mix of anticipation and dread. She hopped off the cot and turned to face George. "I gotta go."

"You're going to him aren't you?" George asked.

"At this point, what does it even matter? I've got nowhere else to go."

Even as she was striding away, George had nothing to say.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meredith sat up in the bed in the call room, fairly certain she had fallen asleep for awhile. She pulled on her underwear and Derek's grey t-shirt that he had been wearing under his scrubs.

She sat on the edge of the opposite bed, waiting for Derek to wake up, feeling utterly alone and hopeless. It didn't matter how perfect it felt to be with Derek. He would inevitably abandon her, even if not by choice.

He opened his eyes and sat up, smiling crookedly at her. "So there's my shirt."

Meredith smiled softly, sadly. This was it. The end of the road. She could feel it. "It looks better on me."

His grin broadened. "That it does."

He checked his watch. "4:45."

"What are you still doing here?" Meredith asked. "I might have to stay for another twenty seven hours, but at least you can go."

He sighed, confused. He ran a hand through his hand and looked her in the eye. "I ask myself that a lot, Mer."

That soft, melancholy smile graced her lips again. The end of their affair was imminent, and she knew it. He would go back to being married, and she would go back to being miserable. More miserable.

Unless she could stop it. She could say what she had always made a point of not saying. She could make that final, last ditch effort. He was pulling on his boxers, and his scrub pants.

"Derek, I need to tell you-" Before she could finish her sentence, the door swung open, and there, in the hallway, shaky on her legs, but looking strong, stood Addison Shepherd.

Meredith froze, her mind racing. She was wearing his t-shirt. And her underwear. Now she was a dirty mistress who'd been caught. Addison's jaw dropped. The file she was holding hit the floor, scattering papers everywhere.

"Oh my God." Addison breathed. Meredith met Derek's eyes, and expected him to look angry, but he was staring at her intensely, with an odd look on his face.

"Addison…" Meredith started. "This.."

Addison laughed bitterly. "Isn't what it looks like? Or is this why you did her surgery?"

Derek shook his head. "The surgery doesn't matter anymore, Addie."

"Do not call me Addie." She hissed. "Of course it matters, Derek! My life should matter! The chief's orders should matter. Meredith should not matter!"

"She would have died." Derek whispered, some vague part of his brain knowing he was only making things worse.

Meredith closed her eyes for while, and then opened them. "Addison, I swear, we never meant for this to happen."

"Of course not." Addison said. "I couldn't walk. How the hell would I catch you?" She shook her head at Meredith. "Just go."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cristina, George, Izzie and Alex were answering Bailey's page when they saw Meredith come out of an on-call room. Derek followed her.

"Mer, wait." He called out.

Addison stepped into the hallway. "Derek, if you leave now, you leave for good." Meredith winced. Derek turned around and looked at Addison for a long time. Then he turned back, and grabbed Meredith's wrist.

"I need to talk to you." He said, pulling her back.

"Are you crazy?" Meredith asked, suddenly realizing that Addison had just caught them. That Addison was going through something awful right now. "That was an ultimatum, Derek. She's your wife." Meredith glanced over his shoulder at Addison, finally understanding the expression if looks could kill.

"Look," Meredith said, "I understand what this was, and what it wasn't." She extracted her wrist from his grip and backed away.

"Meredith, stop!" he called.

"We can't do it like this." She said.

Derek threw his hands in the air. "We just did. Jesus, Meredith, I'm in love with you!" he shouted. She stopped moving.

"What?"

"I love you." He said. Addison closed her eyes.

"But, I thought…" she trailed off. It was silent in the hallway. The silence was broken by Bailey clearing her throat.

"Dr. Shepherd. Maybe you and Grey could take this outside. And make it damn snappy, because she needs to do rounds."

Derek nodded, and turned to Meredith. But she was already gone.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He found her on a bench outside the hospital. The sun was rising over Seattle when Derek sat down next to her. "Meredith." He said. "I meant it."

"You choose Addison."

"Because I had to. Meredith, please understand that if I hadn't tried with her, I wouldn't be able to tell you that I love you, and I want you and I want to be with you."

"You love me, Derek, or you love the way you feel with me?"

"I know my heart, Meredith."

"Look, Derek, you don't have to do this, okay? You have an out, and I won't hate you, hell, I'll even understand if you take it. You can go to Addison; you can tell her it was a mistake."

"No." Derek said forcibly. "I can't, because it wasn't a mistake. I don't want to take any of it back."

Meredith closed her eyes to keep from crying. Derek put a hand on her chin. "Meredith, look at me." He said gently. "I have always loved you. From day one, this whole time. It has been you."

She opened her eyes, and let the tears fall down her cheeks. "I don't know what to do." She said, letting him pull her into a hug. "I don't know where to go from here."


	12. Chapter 12

Title: Sound And Fury

Authors: Sara And Lizzie

Rating: T for language, mild sex

Disclaimer: we don't own grey's anatomy, or any anatomies but our own at that.

Author's Note: Ok.. Set after Derek picks Addison and Meredith sleeps with George. Review. No matter how you feel about it, review. Chapters will get longer. We tried to step it up with our grammar, but we still suck. REVIEW, PLEASE. Check out 'A Little Something Called Forever' and 'The Best Laid Plans'. We need reviews to function, so help us out.

_"I just came to say goodbye love." -Rent_

**Three Days Later**

The door to the trailer opened and Meredith stepped in tentatively. Addison was sitting listlessly in the dark.

"Oh, sorry, sweetheart." She said, her voice dripping with malice. "Lover boy's not here. He was on call."

"I didn't come to see him." Meredith said quietly. "I came to see you."

Addison was clearly surprised at this, but she said nothing. Meredith waited for her to give her some kind of indication that she could speak. Sensing this, Addison gave her a slight nod.

"I'm not going to insult you by saying that I'm sorry, Addison."

"Well thank God you won't insult me."

"Addison, what happened between Derek and I? It wasn't meant to hurt you."

"Well it did, Meredith? Okay, it really did."

Meredith bit her lip. It struck her just now that Addison was a person who had feelings, who had feelings Meredith destroyed. "I'm sorry." She whispered.

"Well, now I'm insulted." Addison said quietly.

"I never meant for this to happen."

"What did you mean Meredith?" Addison shouted. "To sleep with him forever and never get caught?"

"Of course not! I never meant to sleep with him. After I found out he did my surgery-"

Addison cut her off. "You didn't know?"

Meredith shook her head. "Not for a month."

Addison put her head in her hands for few minutes then slammed her fist onto a table next to her. "Jesus Christ, Meredith! It's not just the sex. He didn't even care enough about me to try and save my life. Your life was more important to him than his wife's!"

"I had no control over that."

"You had control over what came next. It's bad enough that I had to watch my husband be miserable and make moon eyes at you since I've been here. It's bad enough that I've had to deal with the fact that he loves you and not me. But then I find out he's sleeping with you, and that's the last straw."

"I love him." She whispered, more for her own benefit than Addison's.

"I don't care Meredith. You love him, so you get to sneak around with my husband? You really wanted to be the other woman? Look how far it got your mother." She spit out.

Something inside Meredith snapped. She just snapped. "Stop it!" she shouted. "Just stop! You're the victim here, Addison. I had sex with Derek, and that's unforgivable. But you have no right to talk about my mother, and you can't pretend I just woke up one day and decided to engage in an affair!"

Addison recoiled, but said nothing, so Meredith just continued. "I fell in love with him, Addison! I fell in love with an amazing man, and then all of a sudden, he's married. He told me he was going to divorce you. And then he couldn't."

She laughed at the irony of it all. "You know I begged him? To choose me? I begged him, Addison. And of course he didn't. And then he was tense, and distant and removed, and then I come back to work, and oh, he saved my life. I'm broken, Addison. I begged him and he broke me. So judge me all you want. That's my story."

"Meredith…."

"I'm sorry Addison. But you'll be glad to hear I'm leaving."

"Leaving?"

"San Francisco."

"You're quitting Seattle Grace?"

"Just taking a leave. Chief Webber cleared it. I can't stay here right now."

"Have you told Derek?"

Meredith looked down and shook her head. Addison didn't know whether she should be relieved or upset by this information.

"If I tell him, and he asks me to stay, I won't be able to say no. But I need to get away for awhile. Figure out what's going on in my own head." Meredith reached into her bag and pulled out a letter that had Derek's name on the front in her loopy scrawl.

She extended her hand to Addison. "I know I have no reason to ask you for favors, but please, give this to him."

Addison nodded and took the envelope in her hand. "I will." She said. Meredith smiled and nodded, and turned around.

"I hope you find what you're looking for, Grey." Addison whispered after she shut the door.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Derek came back into the trailer several hours later, to find Addison, still awake, with an envelope in her hands. She reached out and handed it to him without saying a word.

"What's this?"

"It's from Meredith."

"She was here?"

Addison just nodded. Derek opened the letter and ran the paper over in his hands.

Dear Derek,

I don't know what I was thinking these past few weeks. I'm not going to say they were a mistake, because I don't think that's true. I love you, but you're married. And Addison deserves better. I'm not going to be around for a while. I don't know how long, but I'll be back. I'm not going to beg you this time, but you need to make a choice. And I need to figure out how I'll ever be okay again if that choice isn't me.

Meredith.

He read it at least five times over and over, and then stared at it until the words blurred. Together. He saw only three words. Love, leaving and choice.

It didn't take Addison long to realize that Derek was crying. She got up and walked to the bed, picked up her cell phone and dialed Mark.

"Hi." She said.

"Hi Addie."

"I'm getting a divorce."

"What?"

"I'm getting a divorce. I'm moving into a hotel tonight."

"I'm confused."

"Do me a favor." She whispered. "I'll buy you a plane ticket to San Francisco. I need you to find Meredith Grey."

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She took one last, fleeting look at the Seattle skyline, not knowing the next time she would see it again. George squeezed her right hand and Izzie squeezed her left. Cristina stood next to Izzie, and put a hand on Meredith's shoulder. She hugged them all, including Cristina, and got into her car.

She drove away, the skyline in her rear view mirror, tears streaming down her face. She drove through the night, and didn't stop until she reached San Francisco.


	13. Chapter 13

Title: Sound And Fury

Authors: Sara And Lizzie

Rating: T for language, mild sex

Disclaimer: we don't own grey's anatomy, or any anatomies but our own at that.

Author's Note: Ok.. Set after Derek picks Addison and Meredith sleeps with George. Review. No matter how you feel about it, review. Chapters will get longer. We tried to step it up with our grammar, but we still suck. REVIEW, PLEASE. Check out 'A Little Something Called Forever' and 'The Best Laid Plans'. We need reviews to function, so help us out.

Okay, so the reviews for the Meredith/ Addison confrontation were mixed, but we wanted to show that Meredith is just as screwed as Addison. This chapter picks up right where the last left off. It's short, but the next one will be longer.

Don't breath too deep, don't think all day  
dive into work, or drive the other way,  
that drip of hurt, that pint of shame,  
it goes away, just play the game.-Rent

Derek held the letter in his shaking hands. He walked through the trailer towards Addison. "When did she give this to you?" His voice wasn't about above a whisper.

"An hour ago. Maybe two." He looked at his watch, and without another word to his wife, sprinted out the door. He drove to her house as fast as his car would take him. He jumped out, slammed the door, and ran up the porch.

He pounded on the door. "Meredith!" he shouted. The porch light flicked open and George opened the door. He took a long look at Derek and shook his head.

"I'm too late." Derek said, not a question or an answer, just a statement. George nodded.

"She left about an hour ago."

"Where?"

"Dr. Shepherd, I can't."

Derek nodded slowly. "I know you can't." Izzie appeared at the door, her face tear stained, and Cristina was close behind her.

"Dr. Shepherd." Cristina said tightly, nodding in a way that showed she was angry. "You're a few months too late."

"I know."

"No, Derek, you don't know." She spit out angrily. With that she slammed the door in his face. Derek slunk off the porch, to his car, climbed in slowly, and dropped his head into his hands.

Inside, George turned to Cristina. "Cristina…" he said.

"What?" she shouted.

"Don't yell at me, okay? And don't yell at him. There's nothing we can do."

"There is though." Izzie piped up. "We could tell her. That he came looking for her. It might make a difference."

Cristina shook her head. "No. Absolutely not. We're not helping Derek."

"What if we were helping Meredith?" George asked.

Cristina shook her head adamantly. "No one says a word. She needs time."

* * *

Derek trudged into Joe's and sat at the bar.

"Dr. Shepherd." Joe said amicably. "Scotch?"

He shook his head. "Make it tequila." Joe raised his eyebrow, but filled a shot glass anyway. "Keep 'em coming." Derek instructed. He wanted to drink her drink tonight. He wanted to feel numb, and this was how she did it.

He downed the shot, and motioned for another one.

"You going to tell me what's going on, Doc?" Joe asked.

Derek shrugged and poured more bitter liquid down his throat.

"Yea, Meredith didn't say anything either." Derek's head snapped up.

"She was here?"

Joe nodded. "Came here after she went to see Addison. To say goodbye."

Derek didn't need to ask for another shot. Joe saw the look on his face, and poured one for him wordlessly. He sat in silence, downing shots, and allowing his sub conscience to become fully absorbed in everything he could remember from the next few weeks.

Every whisper, every touch, everything that was burned into his brain played in his mind's eye. A body slid into the seat next to him. "You don't look so good buddy."

He turned and made eye contact with Mark, not bothering to point out that they weren't buddies. Derek just raised his eyebrows and downed the rest of his shot.

"Derek, stop okay?"

"Why bother? She's gone."

"And your wife is at home. I'll drive you."

Derek decided not to argue, since he didn't want contact with anyone who wasn't Meredith Grey. He just slid off the bar stool and followed Mark to his car. "You can pick yours up tomorrow." Mark said. Derek shrugged. It just didn't matter.

Mark dropped him off, and idled in the driveway when Derek got out of the car. He walked into the trailed and slammed the door as hard as he could, wanting something loud to break the silence.

He saw Addison, standing, holding a bag in each hand. "What the hell, Addie?" he mumbled incoherently.

"I know you're drunk. And I know this is all happening so fast…"

"Addison, what is going on?"

"Derek?" she said, her voice wavering but sounding sure. "I want a divorce."

* * *

It was morning when Meredith got to San Fransico. Dawn was breaking, lifting the fog from the bridge, and showing the city. She got out of her car, and sat on the hood, drawing her legs to her chest. She was sure she looked crazy, but she didn't care. Her eyes were swollen from crying. She was a coward. She was weak.

She couldn't face it, she couldn't handle it, she couldn't risk it. The fear of getting hurt, the fear of losing everything, again, it was overwhelming. So she had bolted. Gotten in her car, and driven the opposite direction. She wondered what Derek was doing. She turned over the last few weeks in her mind, trying to wrap her mind around the fact that he hadn't chosen her when she asked him to, but she had chosed to save her life. She tried to understand why they had done this to themselves, to Addison, to each other, but she couldn't grasp it.

It was larger than life.


	14. Chapter 14

Title: Sound And Fury

Authors: Sara And Lizzie

Rating: T for language, mild sex

Disclaimer: we don't own grey's anatomy, or any anatomies but our own at that.

Author's Note: Ok.. Set after Derek picks Addison and Meredith sleeps with George. Review. No matter how you feel about it, review. Chapters will get longer. We tried to step it up with our grammar, but we still suck. REVIEW, PLEASE. Check out 'A Little Something Called Forever' and 'The Best Laid Plans'. We need reviews to function, so help us out.

_"You're gonna get what you deserve." -Something Corporate_

It was fun at first. Whittling around San Francisco, drinking coffee and shopping. But now, a week and half later, Meredith could no longer ignore everything she had left in Seattle. She felt a tug in her chest every time she saw something that reminded her of Derek, and that was pretty much all the time.

She hadn't talked to anyone from Seattle since she'd been here, except for a quick call to Cristina, who wanted to make sure she hadn't driven her car off the road. Now, here she was, six o'clock, the end of another day. She flitted between her hotel room and the door, unsure of where to go as the sunset.

* * *

A few hundred miles away, Seattle Grace was relatively calm. The four remaining interns were at a nurse's station waiting for Bailey, pretending not to notice that Derek and Addison were leaning on opposite sides of the reception desk, filling out forms and blatantly ignoring each other.

Cristina rolled her eyes and fixed her stare on Derek. "Have you talked to her?" she asked him. The silence shifted from a slow, lazy one, to a tense, charged one.

Bailey came striding over and took at look at everyone. "Who died?" she asked.

"Is Meredith coming back anytime soon?" Alex asked her.

"I sure hope so." Bailey replied, shrugging.

Cristina's eyes never left Derek's. "You haven't called?"

"I don't even know where she is."

"That doesn't matter, Dr. Shepherd. She is where she is because of you."

Derek nodded slowly. "I know." He whispered. "I know."

Addison's head lifted slightly and she looked at her husband. "You haven't called her?" she asked argumentatively.

"It's none of your business, Addison." He said through gritted teeth.

"It is my business, Derek. Maybe you don't love me anymore, but there's a girl out there who loves you a hell of a lot. So much she was willing to give up her job and her friends for you and you're puttering around here like you couldn't care less. So maybe it would be a good idea to call her." She said.

Cristina nodded. "Especially after breaking her down and driving her away." Derek looked around the room. Addison stormed away, shaking her head. Cristina followed suit. Izzie gave him a sympathetic smile before retreating with Alex. George stayed and looked him in the eye.

"You knew all along didn't you?" Derek asked.

George nodded. "I hope you're happy Dr. Shepherd. Because I don't know if she's coming back." He turned around and walked away slowly. Derek couldn't have felt more alone.

* * *

Meredith sat on a bench in the winding hills of San Francisco, drinking coffee, staring at the scenery that stretched for miles. The sun was disappearing, and she knew she was at a crossroads. She didn't have to go back to Seattle. She could stay here. Hell, she could go anywhere. The world was big.

Or she could go back. She could march right into Seattle Grace and talk to him. Fix them. She looked around and saw someone striding toward her. There was something a little too familiar about his cocky saunter. Her lips turned up in a smile. "Mark."

"You're tough to track down, Grey."

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

"I'm not the one that needs to here that."

"I'm sure Addison doesn't want to hear anything from me."

"She asked me to find you." Meredith's jaw dropped. "And it's not her I'm worried about. It's Derek. This is killing him. He loves you."

Meredith looked down and took a sip of her coffee. She avoided looking in his eyes. Mark sighed. "He. Loves. You." He said sternly, as though speaking to a petulant child. "He loves you, Meredith, and he gave up his wife to be with you!"

"I never asked him to do that."

"And he did it anyway." Mark insisted. "He really loves you. And you're what? Sitting around whimsically, staring at the Golden Gate Bridge? You're better than this Meredith. Take it head on."

He reached out and squeezed her shoulder. "You say these things," she whispered, "but I don't know if he wanted me to…" Her cell phone rang. She looked at it, her hope rising. George.

"Hello?"

"He came here."

"George, what are you saying?"

"Derek. McDreamy. He came to look for you. Right after he left!" Meredith practically dropped the phone.

"George? Thank you." She hung up and stood up so fast it made her dizzy. She turned to Mark. "I need to get home." He smiled and reached in his pocket.

"Take this." He instructed, producing a plane ticket. She blinked twice at him, her face breaking out into a grin. She reached in her purse and tossed him her keys. "You know the hotel?"

"How do you think I found you?"

"I owe you one, Mark." She said, striding away, her walk turning into a sprint.

Mark chuckled to himself under his breath. "You sure do Grey. You sure do."

* * *

Meredith boarded the plane with only what she had when she left. She was sure Mark would take her stuff. Or not. She didn't care. She sat stoically through the plane ride, wondering what the hell she was supposed to do when she got back to Seattle.

* * *

And now, she felt ridiculous. She was creeping around the outside of the hospital, not going in for fear of running into him. Or Addison. Addison would probably be worse.

It was raining outside, and she was slinking around like the star of some film noir. "All I need is a trench coat and a cigarette." She muttered.

"Talking to yourself, Grey?" Burke asked as he strode past her.

"No." she countered.

He smiled at her. "Nice to you back. Everyone will be pleased." She smiled weakly, and he continued walking. She almost didn't hear him. "Especially Derek."

"What?" she practically shouted. Burke turned around and smiled.

"He hasn't been his usual arrogant self without you around."

He disappeared inside the hospital. After deliberating for just another moment, Meredith followed. Alex was the first to spot her as she wound through the halls.

"So much for a slow night." He said, nodding his head in her direction. Izzie's head snapped around, and before Meredith could so much as wave, Izzie and George were hugging her.

"What the hell?" Alex said, shrugging, wrapping his arms around her as well. Cristina sat in disgust, shaking her head.

"That is repulsive." She muttered.

"Have you seen him?" Meredith asked, breaking free of the arms that entangled her.

"He's in surgery." George supplied, shooting her a look. Meredith nodded, confirming she wouldn't mention his phone call to anyone else, but mouthed him a silent thank you anyway.

"He's in surgery," Cristina said, "But Addison is-"

"Dr. Grey." Came a voice as heels tapped down the hallway.

"Dr. Shepherd.. You're walking. In heels."

"I make a quick healer. Can I talk to you, please?"

She had no choice but to follow Addison into the nearest empty on call room.


	15. Chapter 15

Title: Sound And Fury

Authors: Sara And Lizzie

Rating: T for language, mild sex

Disclaimer: we don't own grey's anatomy, or any anatomies but our own at that.

Author's Note: Ok.. Set after Derek picks Addison and Meredith sleeps with George. Review. No matter how you feel about it, review. Chapters will get longer. We tried to step it up with our grammar, but we still suck. REVIEW, PLEASE. Check out 'A Little Something Called Forever' and 'The Best Laid Plans'. We need reviews to function, so help us out.

_"Give in to love or live in fear." -Rent_

"You don't have to look at me like that." Addison said, shutting the door behind her. "I'm not going to kill you."

Meredith smiled weakly, not convinced in the least. She opened her mouth, wanting to apologize, justify, condemn, do anything to make it better, but Addison beat her to it.

"I asked Mark to go and find you, Meredith, not so I could usher you into an on call room and strangle you with a stethoscope, so you can breathe." She smiled a genuine smile, and Meredith felt like she was going to throw up from confusion and apprehension.

"I asked him to find you because my ex husband is in love with you. So in love with you it's consuming and passionate and it scares even me. As much as this hurts me, he saved your life, Meredith. He put my life on the line to save yours. He loves you and I can't in good conscience, let him lose that love."

Meredith cocked her head to one side, sure that she looked like the village idiot. "What are you saying?" she whispered to Addison.

Addison smiled, tears in her eyes. "I'm saying I understand why you did what you did. I understand that you are not your mother, and that you love my husband. I'm saying go. Go tell him."

Meredith stared at the doctor for a long time before she made her next move. It was Addison's turn to be bewildered as Meredith closed the gap between them and hugged her. She went for the door without saying anything, but stopped before she left the room.

"Addison?" she asked. "Mark's driving back. But he loves you. And I think if you're honest with yourself, you love him too." Before Addison could say anything, Meredith shut the door.

* * *

She practically sprinted through the hallway. He was in surgery. She didn't care. She threw on scrubs, and a mask and burst into the operating room.

"What in the name…?" Bailey asked looking up.

"I love you." Meredith said. "I've been sitting in San Francisco for the past week and half trying to ignore that, trying to think of some way that I can get out of your life, but I can't Derek. I've tried, we've tried. I need you."

He blinked at her, as if he didn't want to believe what she was saying.

She took a deep breath. "I know I ran away. I was the coward, I was the bad one. But Jesus, Derek, I love you. So much. And if you want to be mad, be mad. Just, let me be with you. While you're mad, while you're sad, while you're screaming at me. I just want to be with you."

She stopped talking, and closed her eyes, almost afraid to look at him for fear of what he might say to her in response. But it wasn't his voice that came next, it was Bailey's.

"Dr. Shepherd, we really can close him up just fine if you want to um, go."

"Right." Derek said, his eyes never leaving Meredith. "Great surgery." He walked over to her, and offered her his hand. Her gloved fingers intertwined with his, and they left the OR together.

The skyline shone brilliantly against the black night as they walked outside.

"You left." Derek said to her.

"I left." She confirmed. "And I don't know why. Everything just happened so fast that night. That and I was scared." She admitted.

"Of Addison?" he quipped. Meredith smiled in spite of herself.

"Of you." She whispered, her seriousness returning. "I'm scared of not being enough for you, Derek. I'm not a brilliant, famous surgeon; I'm just the daughter of one. I'm not gorgeous and cultured and perfectly groomed. I'm just me. And I'm scared that being me won't be anything to you, except the transition from the first great love of your life to the next."

She looked down. "Meredith, look at me." Derek said gently. Her eyes remained focused on the ground. Derek put one hand on her chin and gently guided her face upwards, so her eyes met his. "I'm an idiot." He told her, caressing her cheek with his hand.

"All this time, I was trying to make it work with Addison, and I just didn't see it," he whispered. "You are the great love of my life, Mer. You're the song, the big love, the reason. It all comes back to you, Meredith. I promise. And I want to be with you."

She laughed through a few tears that had gathered in her eyes, and kissed him. He kissed her back, and then he kissed her on the forehead, and the nose, and finally the lips again.

Meredith pushed the fear away. Maybe there were things worth giving up the fear for. Maybe if you're in love, the only way to get it to work is just to admit it, put yourself out there, and let the chips fall.

"I love you." She whispered.

He smiled into her lips. "Yea, I love you too."

"You know I'm divorced right?"

"I heard that rumor."

"From who?"

"Your wife."

"Ex- wife." Derek corrected, pulling her close to him.

"She sort of, gave me her blessing, I think." Meredith said tentatively. She smiled. "Satan has a soul." She paused. "And a plastic surgeon."

"Mark?"

"Wouldn't surprise me." Meredith said knowingly. She raised her eyebrows at Derek. "You know what else wouldn't surprise me?" she asked. "If you were to take advantage of me."

"I'd be too happy to comply, Dr. Grey."

"Take me home Derek." She whispered. "Take me home."


	16. Chapter 16

Title: Sound And Fury

Authors: Sara And Lizzie

Rating: T for language, mild sex

Disclaimer: we don't own grey's anatomy, or any anatomies but our own at that.

Author's Note: This is it, kids. Our first Grey's fic is officially finished after this chapter. But we're still going with "A Little Something Called Forever", "Keeping The Faith" and "The Best Laid Plans", so check those out. Thanks so much for all the reviews. We love you.

_"It's a picture of perfection." –Jack's Mannequin_

**Three Months Later**

Meredith giggled into Derek's mouth. Her back was pressed against the wall of the elevator. Derek's tongue was in her mouth and his hand was sliding up her scrubs.

He untangled his left hand from her hair and reached for the stop button. "Derek!" she scolded.

He kissed her again, deeper this time, although she hadn't thought it possible until it happened. "You know you want to." He said in a sing song, cocky voice. She giggled again, sliding her own hand under his scrubs and letting her hand play across his abs.

"Oh, you know I want to." She cooed into his ear. He kissed her again, and neither of them noticed the elevator stop, the doors open, and someone else walked in.

Derek cupped her breast over her bra and she shivered. "Seriously," she said, giggling again. "We're in an elevator."

Behind them, Addison cleared her throat. They both spun toward her. Meredith's face reddened. Addison smiled. "Nice to know some things don't change."

"Oh my God." Meredith muttered.

Addison looked down, the corners of her lips turning upward in a smile. Derek choked back laughter, but Meredith met Addison's eyes and both of them burst out laughing.

"Oh, Dr. Grey. Once a dirty mistress, now just, dirty." Addison said jokingly. "And Derek. I'm shocked. Eleven years and you never once seduced me in an elevator."

He smiled and winked at Meredith. "I'll miss you Addison." He said.

A strange look came over Meredith's face. "I think I might too." She said.

Addison laughed again. "Don't sound so shocked."

The elevator opened on the ground floor and the three of them headed for the exit. "Actually, wait, Meredith, I agree. Ironically, I'm going to miss both of you." She looked out the window and sighed. "I might actually miss Seattle. But, New York City's calling me."

"Mark's calling you." Derek muttered.

"Heard that."

They exited the hospital, to see Mark Sloan leaning against Addison's leased Lexus. "Thought I'd come take you home."

"Mark!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms around him.

He looked over her shoulder. "Meredith and Derek." He said slowly. He threw a pointed look at their joined hands. He smiled smugly. "I knew there was a reason you didn't go for me." He said to Meredith.

"Watch it." Derek warned his tone surprisingly jocular. Addison back tracked and hugged Derek quickly, released him, and threw her arms around Meredith. Mark looked around at the skyline.

"You know, I like it here, Addie. We may have to rethink this New York thing."

"Ugh." Derek groaned. "Get outta here!" Addison smiled and waved as she tossed Mark her keys and slid into the passenger seat.

Derek put his arm around Meredith and together, they watched them drive away. "You think they'll be back?" Meredith asked.

Derek smiled. "Oh, they'll be back."

She sighed. "What now?"

Derek laughed. "What now?" He kissed her again. "Now, Dr. Grey, I'm going to take you home, and finish what we started in the elevator. And then, I'm going to take you out to dinner, get you drunk and let you take advantage of me."

She giggled a giggle that he had elicited a lot from her the last few months. She got in the car, and he drove them off into the sunset of Seattle, for now, just for tonight, leaving the sound and fury behind them. At least until he got her in the bedroom.


	17. Author's Note

Title: Sound And Fury

Authors: Sara And Lizzie

Rating: T for language, mild sex

Disclaimer: we don't own grey's anatomy, or any anatomies but our own at that.

Author's Note: This is it, kids. Our first Grey's fic is officially finished after this chapter. But we're still going with "A Little Something Called Forever", "Keeping The Faith" and "The Best Laid Plans", so check those out. Thanks so much for all the reviews. We love you.

**ONE GIANT AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

Okay, we sort of lied. We said we were done with Sound And Fury. But we sort of lied. We were sitting around our dorm discussing how to handle the visit of a girl we don't care for. Since I sort of invited her Liz said "Great, you brought Satan to our city."

We looked at each other, and I said "Sequel!"

Thus, the sequel, "One Hell Of A Racket", was born. We just posted the first chapter, please check it out and review. We love you guys.

And even though Rachel is giving us the silent treatment, she's still LaLaLovely, and we still love her too.


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